My dear single ladies and gentlemen,
I remember that day or rather those days so clearly.
Those days of wondering whether I was supposed to leave the relationship I was in or not.
You see, I wanted a new life; I wanted a different life, one better than the one which I had.
I didn’t know how to get it except to go back to God – the One I had no intimate knowledge of but simply knew He was there.
And so I had discussions with my fellowship vice president then.
Those discussions went something like me saying: “Sister Toju, say a girl is in a relationship and she knows that its wrong and she shouldn’t be there. She is tired of it but how does she get God’s answer on whether to leave or not? And how can she leave?”
Those were the days of not being courageous enough to state that the girl was me.
Sister Toju’s answer to me is one I have never forgotten even though it has been 5 years plus since then.
She said: “Frances you are a beautiful girl. Do you know how I knew you? I knew you when a neighbor of mine told me you were her Assistant senior prefect at secondary school and that you are very intelligent. See, don’t be afraid to let go, men will kneel down to beg for your hands in marriage” (paraphrased).
You see, I was so warped and twisted in my head, I thought the best I could ever have was the guy I was with then which believe me it was bad (now that my eyes are open, I know it was BAD and not that I was without fault, but it wasn’t a relationship God ever featured in as a factor at all).
So her reminder for me to remember who I was hit me so profoundly.
I had lost sense of who I was as a person. I didn’t even so much as know what identity in Christ was.
But her reminder set my brain turning. I started to cry at how far I had fallen.
But still I couldn’t leave the relationship, till one night when I found God.
And decided NO MORE. His grace to stay by this decision has been overwhelming so far.
I always like to say that I have a covenant on my marital destiny with God.
The covenant goes something like: I left a relationship for Him and left the past life for Him.. the man who He would give to me will be wayyy better than that which I left.
He says He who honours me I will honour. I hold on to that. And it is my basis for my not being jittery about my love life. I and God have an understanding on this. I sold it out to Him based on His promise and His word.
I let go so I could let God.
I see so many persons today at that cross-road I was in 5 years ago.
They want a change of life but aren’t too certain about releasing the man/girl who they have right now, for nothing but God’s promises about a man/girl that He has for them and not even now but in the future.
Who knows when that future will be? Maybe it will be ten years from now.
Wouldn’t it be better to just settle with the one I have right now even though I know that God doesn’t approve?
What would waiting for God to ordain my choice of a spouse do for me?
Wouldn’t I be on the loosing end?
And the man/girl is good God… can’t you just please place your stamp of approval on them? Why do I have to let go?
And as is a given with our lives in God, we come to a cross-road.
God or him/her?
Now the truth is NOTHING THAT WE HAVE CAN EVER BE BETTER THAN THAT WHICH GOD HAS FOR US… SPOUSE INCLUSIVE.
Because I believe that the main crux of this struggle is our inability to really understand who God is and His perspective on things like marriage and the choice of a spouse for our lives.
And so we think that God must be a wicked fellow if He is asking us to let go of the man/girl we currently have plans to marry.
Maybe that person isn’t even a bad person. Maybe they are great but God is just saying HE/SHE ISN’T FOR YOU.
How do we reconcile such an instruction with the certainty that God is good and wants only good for us?
First, we must realize that God sees farther than we can ever see.
When He says something or give an instruction, it may not even necessarily be as a result of something that’s happening at the moment, but because He has seen that years from now, we would be eating tears for food as a result of that same person we want to die for right now.
So in His loving nature, He says trust me, let go. I have better for you.
And then some of these instructions might not even be personal instructions to us but just a decision that we have to make based on our faith.
For example, a married man who is a hunk and has money to spare…
A muslim lady who is great as a woman and you love her…
A man who is all cool but wants sex before marriage..
A lady who professes to be a Christian but bears the fruit of darkness… etc.
And the word of God simply says not to go there.
What do we do?
How do we let go?
We must have an understanding of who our God is.
He is good and perfect and would NEVER GIVE US INSTRUCTIONS THAT WILL HARM US.
What eyes have not seen, ears have not heard, neither has it entered into the hearts of men is what He has planned for us and yes even in the area of marriage.
But we will never see His plans if we keep holding on to our substandard ones.
Many Christians have made mistakes in marriage when God said no and they went ahead regardless… they are paying the price now.
Yes, God is a merciful Father but won’t it be great top just obey Him right from the start?
The understanding of who God is and simple trust in Him is what helped me all those years ago.
It is still what keeps me steady today.
You will have to make your own choice.
Good or God?
Him or that man/lady?
Do you love your God like you say you do or do you love your emotions better?
Finding it hard to follow God’s will? Read this.
Finally, every Christian must come to the point in their faith where even if God says NO MARRIAGE, we can still say in all sincerity, YET LORD, I WILL STILL SERVE YOU.
That all the gods that raise their heads up above God’s supremacy in our lives be brought low in Jesus name… amen.
Till our next love letter,
One of the ways by which God provides us a way to set our marital destinies aright is to pray for our spouse even before we have met them.
My new book “Prayers for your future husband” is for every lady who wants to lay her home on the foundation of prayers but doesn’t even know what to pray for.
Mail firstname.lastname@example.org for your copies.